In Honor of National Beard Day: We Acknowledge BCJ’s Best

For years the rumors and far-flung stories have been whispered across the Texas plains. 

Sightings too numerous to ignore have been reported across the state, most commonly coming from in-and-around the otherwise sleepy hamlets of Childress and Dodd City. 

For many of the good folks residing here, the stories are laughed off as figments of the imagination. But, for others, the reports of Big Foot in their area are more than stories, they are an undeniable reality. 

For believers, Sasquatch, clad with perhaps the world’s finest beard, exists here. Have you seen him?  

Local newspaperman, Marfa Lights, has spent more than 20 years convinced of the existence of the bearded Texas beast. Lights regularly holds court from his personal perch at the end of a worn-out old bar at the Dodd City Tavern, a smoky old neon-lit pool hall on the wrong side of the proverbial tracks. “Maybe we have a relative of the Abominable Snowman of the Himalayas,” said Lights. 

“You see, most folk ‘round these parts don’t want the existence of a yeti to interfere with their beliefs,” Lights said. “But, I know he’s out there. I’ve seen him, and you can’t tell me that with what, over two-hundred and eighty-three reports of sightings just over the past 10 years alone, which are all accurate and the same, that it ain’t true. I won’t have it. He’s out there. Hell, he even leaves proof! It’s not like he’s completely invisible,” said Lights.  

Marfa Lights is not alone, although most other believers aren’t as demonstrative. The whispers are all the same, though, Lights is right. Those who swear they’ve caught a glance have all painted the same picture. The Yeti’s trademark seems to be what has been described more than 49 times as a ‘perfectly’ flowing beard.

“It’s like… Almost like a lion’s mane, fit for only a king,” said local resident, who would only allow us to refer to him as S. Man. He also always, and I mean ALWAYS has what appears to be a camera with a huge telephoto lens grasped by seemingly very large hands,” Man said. One hundred percent of reports also indicate the Yeti being covered head to toe in camouflage, he’s often spotted laying on the ground or hiding inside duck blinds. “Squeaks, noises, and strange animal calls seem to follow him around, too,” said Man. “Like no ones ever seen him without also hearin’ them noises at the same time.” 

What is he up to out there? 

As Marfa Lights contends, proof of the Yeti’s existence actually does exist. Left behind near locations where sightings have been reported have been several downright well-crafted wildlife photographs. He has also been suspected of ghost-writing hundreds of magazine articles over the years under the alias, Russell Graves. His oft-published images and documentary films have told an authentic Texas story. A story about an authentic Texas Yeti. How could the legend not be true when we have the evidence.

(This story was written and published in jest as a way to honor our friend and colleague, Russell Graves, on National Beard Day. Any depictions, names, or likenesses in the above story are purely coincidental. Russell Graves is not actually the Yeti of Texas (as far as we know), and Marfa Lights is not a real human, “S. Man” might be.)

Kenton Krueger

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kenton Krueger has spent the past several years guiding backpackers, hikers and photographers into the wild places of the American West such as Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, Yosemite, Glacier, Katmai, Zion, Bryce Canyon, Arches, Canyonlands National Parks, as well as internationally in Costa Rica & Brazil. In addition to backpacking and camping, his adventures include rock climbing, exploring the slot canyons of southern Utah, mountain biking, and bagging 14ers in Colorado’s San Juan Mountain Mountain Range. Kenton is a trail runner, former pilot, and spent roughly five years writing and photographing for the award-winning Omaha World-Herald newspaper, out of his hometown, Omaha, Nebraska. Kenton looks forward to utilizing his years of trip leading and guiding experience, combined with his passion and experience behind the lens, to provide memorable and unforgettable experiences at the wild places we will visit together.

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